5 decades…
half a century…
semi-centennial…
600 MONTHS!
no matter what term you use it’s freaking old!
Hello 50…
shit.
I’m not going to lie and say that it’s super easy and I’m totally cool with it. Sometimes I’m fine, it’s like whatever - but then other times I’m curled up in the fetal position in the corner of my closet trying to wake myself from the nightmare that my life has flown by and omg I’M GOING TO DIE SOON!!! But mostly I’m at the whatever stage, until I think about it - so the trick is to NOT think about it.
Turning 50 has it’s advantages and disadvantage for sure.
For one, in my head I think I’m like, 28. I’m super fun and quirky and goofy and think I can bounce around and do anything. My body, however, has it’s own age and thinks it is like 70. I’m now all about arthritis, reading glasses, comfortable shoes, bowel movement regularity, and shopping for La-Z-Boy recliners. (that is not even a joke, Gary and I dream of getting our two recliners and just calling life good.)
Nothing works smoothly anymore. Everything grinds and pops and swells. When I get out of bed I can hardly walk and wonder why the hell my feet hurt so bad when I’ve been off them sleeping for 7 hours. And really, I don’t sleep - I’ve got freaking menopause and the hot flashes are constantly reminding me I am NOT 28 and now I find myself shopping not only for recliners but the motorized Sleep Number 360 bed as though I am preparing for my hospice and want to make it the best it can possibly be.
sigh.
My clothes are not fitting any more, every sugary sweet thing just adds more weight onto my hips and butt. My metabolism has slowed to a crawl and I’m this close to going full grandma and replacing my closet with muumuus. Though, I am really trying to hold off till 60 for that, I think that’s when my mom (grandma) went full muumuu. Complete with pockets stuffed with Kleenex tissues and - occasionally - some really sexy knee high pantyhose, for those dressy occasions ;)
I listen to NPR all the time and documentaries are becoming interesting to me. I pay attention to the news and read the AAA Westways magazine cover to cover. Half the time when we are watching tv I have to ask Gary what the hell people are saying because all I hear is garbled mumbling.
I think I’ve developed FOGO (fear of going out) rather than FOMO (fear of missing out). Our idea of going to a party now consists of us going to the grocery store and buying some special snacks to eat on the couch alone while watching tv.
Most of the time when talking to someone of a much younger age, my sentences now start with “Back in my day….” and, to top it all off - I am now finding grey hairs where no grey hair should ever be.
What the hell is happening to me? ARGH!!!!!
Aside from all that super awesomeness - there are some truly great advantages of getting “up there”
With an empty nest, when my hot flashes hit I can just strip down in all my saggy and bulging glory without a second thought - well, till I go to the kitchen to get coffee and my neighbors see me in the window (Sorry Sonja).
My husband and I have a house filled with awesome toys as we revert back to our childhoods and collect the newest gadgets out now as well as all of our old favorites.
We can go on vacation whenever we want and don’t have to find babysitters.
I’m no longer jealous of everyone - thankfully! I appreciate myself, my life, my family and I know now that everyone is dealing with self doubt and stresses no matter what color filter they put on their social media images.
I am not scared any more. I’m not scared to take a chance, to risk failing at anything because I realize that nothing great ever happens by sitting on the fence. I didn’t start acting/modeling till I was in my mid 30’s and I’d never acted in anything in my life. I wrote and directed my first short film at 40 and received two Emmy awards for it. I learned photography at 44 and still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. The only thing stopping you is you and sadly most never learn that till they are about my age. Don’t be me - go do you now! Live fearlessly!
I am also at a point in my life where I don’t really give a shit what other people think of me. I am comfortable with myself, dare I say it…I even like myself. I understand my value and no longer give others the power over me.
I am finally free to be authentically me.
Those who know me know I am eclectic and free spirited. I dress the way I want, (‘homeless chic’ is my go-to usually), I talk the way I want (I can make a sailor blush) and I no longer feel like a slave to whatever thing or brand name is trendy or most expensive so that I’ll fit in with the herd.
I have ZERO filter now. I will say how I feel, I will stand up for myself and others, and, seriously, do not ask me for my opinion because I will give it to you honestly.
I guess, ultimately, older really is bolder.
Bring it on AARP, I’m all yours now!
Cheers to the Golden Age!
(To read about the bts of this shoot, continue scrolling…)
(I don’t normally post personal stuff on this site but hey, it’s my site, it’s my birthday, I’m old as dirt and why not.)
I had been wanting to do something fun and creative for this years big 5-0 and wanted to do a newborn style shoot. Of course, a naked older woman isn’t comedic and just looks like I’m trying to be sexy, if I was a guy - a dad bod nudie shoot is funny - I knew that wasn’t the route for me.
I had seen the hilarious adult cake smash images people were doing as well as the adult baby in the flower pot images, and in my search for swaddled newborn baby images I ran into this piece about Nicole Ham’s pics for her 28th birthday so I knew I was in good company. I absolutely love that adults are getting into the fun and creativity of our childhoods again - life is short dammit!
Setting this up was a comedy on it’s own. I decided to shoot it in our spare bedroom because I could keep the fur babies out. I used our 6ft ladder and duct taped a shelf onto it and then duct taped my tripod laying down on that so I could extend it out over the top of me- I know….you don’t even need to say anything, lol.
I had to extend the tripod so far out that it was to the point that I had to get the husbands 25 lb hand weights to hold down the ladder so it wouldn’t topple over on top of me.
I realize this was all incredibly stupid - but hey - turning 50 does not necessarily bring wisdom. It would have been way easier to just have someone else shoot this for me - but I tend to only have 2 speeds, go and stop, and when I decide to do something I don’t tend to wait and just prefer to do it myself.
So now my Sony a7ii is hanging over my head in the most terrifying fashion on a ladder wrapped in duct tape and held down with free weights. I chose to go with my Sony 16-50 lens because it is small and light and keep it at 16mm to be as wide as I can.
I wrangle my two LED light panels into the small space and I connect my external monitor and a remote trigger to the camera. In the meantime I am checking everything and testing stuff on my phone and wondering if all of this is worth it for one freaking photo.
My loving husband watched videos on how to swaddle a baby (bless his heart) and he helped wrap me up and then had shutter release duties.
The other images were on an 85mm lens and I just shot those myself while goofing around.
It was stupid fun and I tried not to take it too seriously. I could have spent more time making it better, but it was a fun little thing.
Not quite as crazy as our Awkward Family Photos shoot we did a while back, lol. Nothing can top that one…but I’m sure we will try ;)